I decided to start my art journal yesterday. I got out my watercolors that have been pretty much abandoned since my insomnia picture days. That's when I first started painting, that is painting other than the scenic art I have done in the theatre. It was about 7 years ago, I found myself alone for the first time in my life. I would wake up at 1 or 2AM and couldn't sleep, so very alone and so afraid. I decided if I was going to be up for 3 and 4 hours in the middle of the night I needed to do something productive.And so I painted. Every fear would vanish for those hours. I didn't have one clue how to paint I just painted. Some were good, some not so good. Lots of ocean scenes, actually tons of ocean scenes. It was calming and very soothing. When I needed it the most they brought some solice to my life and some small bit of sanity to a completely fractured soul.
Eventually, six months later, my life got back on track, and the paints and the paintings were put on a shelf in a cabinet, and I had pretty much forgotten all about them. Through the years that followed I started painting with acrylics, I started beading and pretty much abandoned the watercolors, too much trouble, too hard to control.
It seemed right somehow to pull them out to start the journal. I need to see the vibrant colors that emerge off the bristles of the brush and spread across the wet paper. I need that hope. I need the fear to vanish even if for a little while.
And so I pull out the watercolors and it comes to me as the blue spreads across the paper. You are strong. Yes, I am. Just have faith. I will. Believe in yourself. Believe in your dreams. They are still there. You are still here. Yes I am.
There is faith and hope in those tubes and somehow I instinctively knew there was also a soothing power as well. I can tell right away, that it's been much too long since I sqeezed the paint on the palate, dipped the brush in the water and put the paint to paper. But that's okay, it sends me a message even in its mediocrity that embraces my scared being letting me know everything will be okay.
7 comments:
I still remember the very first time I picked up a rubber art stamp and left an image on paper. It seemed magic. Christmas 2005. The image was a pear, and I was hooked.
There is something so magical about watching paint flow and create on paper.
I'm just starting something you may be interested in doing as a separate journal...I'm behind and you would be too, but it's a Soul Journal. http://sarahwhitmire.blogspot.com
If you choose to do this, go back to the beginning in June.
hey Sis,
Glad you are painting again. You have so many talents. I'm hoping you will get to the beach in Florida and do some awesome paintings of the Atlantic Ocean. I missed you on the Oregon trip. Lets plan on it for next summer. Have to get our Blackberry fix. Peace and Love!
RJ
Just checking in to see how you are. Sounds like you are doing well. I wish I could paint like you do....I can only copy - no real creativity in this girl.
Hello, Peace, I was the one after you at Tink's, pleased to meet you! I shall add you to my list...
http://grpottersblog.blogspot.com/
I remember the first time I put a brush in my hands and smeared paint on a canvas...it was empowering, enlightening, and freeing. I love your art journal idea! Keep on keeping on with your fabulous watercolor talent! May you blossom as your art blossoms!
Wow! This is an *incredibly* powerful post. The words as well as the art. You've found your Zen garden, I think. At least it sounds like it, here.
An ocean in the desert (Vegas)? How Zen can you get?
Seriously, I love what you've written here. It is beautiful.
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