Leaving Las Vegas

My oldest daughter informs me today that she and her husband bought a house in Colorado last week while on their vacation in a small suburb of Denver. She just got back home!! My heart rips apart as I tell her how excited I am for her. This is the daughter that was married three years ago and the next year moved to Alaska(army) with her husband. I remember convincing her how fun and what an adventure it would be when they were stationed in Alaska and she was afraid of leaving her family and friends, her home. I remember at that time telling her to treasure every moment, it would be a wonderful experience and soon she would be back home. My heart was torn apart then, too, except I knew they would be back home.

The next year she had a baby in February. Scared and feeling alone, far from home and isolated, she wants me there with her. And of course, I would be there. I had planned to fly up the week prior to the expected arrival to help her get everything ready. The baby arrived a week early, the day before my scheduled flight. She called early in the morning. I ran around like crazy after she called. I changed the flight to that day, packed, got to the airport and made the 18 hour trip to Fairbanks, arriving at the hospital about 2 minutes after she gave birth, but in time to get pictures of the baby being cleaned and weighed and wrapped in her first blanket. I was exhausted, but the smile on her face gave me the energy to stay with her through that first night.

It was beyond freezing. Remember I live in Las Vegas where 55 degrees is freezing! And now, here I am in Fairbanks at minus 40 degrees, looking at my very beautiful daughter, my most precious granddaughter and wondering how in the heck will they get the baby from the hospital to the truck with out her freezing? But that was the problem for the next day!

After a week, I had to leave them, tearfully returning home, anxiously waiting for Emma's pictures to be emailed, with the almost daily updates from my daughter. I hated being so far away and not able to hold my granddaughter when ever I wanted. It just wasn't right!

They came back home last August. I was so full of joy to finally have my daughter and granddaughter back home. Emma with her funny faces, her hugs and sweet kisses. Krista so certain her child was a genius!

I have Vegas roots. My grandmother was born in Las Vegas, as was my mother, myself and all my kids and my grandson from my middle daughter. Are you seeing the very long roots here? My greatgrandmother came to Vegas in 1905 in a covered wagon, long, long deep roots. I don't care what the movie says, some of us have roots and we don't leave Las Vegas. We stay and have big birthday parties, family gatherings, weenie roasts and celebrate all holidays together. We don't move to Colorado.

"Yes, Krista, it's a beautiful town and it's a wonderful house, but what about jobs?" She has already checked out the schools, the safety of the town, found a job, as has David her husband. (Darn!) They have everything ready to go for the move in April. Now, it's not just Krista's leaving that tears my heart apart, but Emma. Cute, little Emma, who is just beginning to know her grandma. How will she remember me and know her grandma loves her?

"It really is beautiful, mom, you are going to love it. I can't wait for you to come and see it." I skim through the brochure and the pictures of their new house. I know she is excited, but her voice tells me she is afraid at the prospects of once again leaving home. My heart is screaming "please, don't go!" Instead, I give her a hug, holding on a little longer than usual and say "I am so happy for you, hon. It is a beautiful place."

She packs up Emma's things and we walk out to her car. She throws the babies things in the backseat and straps Emma into the car seat. She walks around and gives me one more hug. I take a step back and our eyes lock. We smile. We both say "I love you" at the same time. "Jinx" she says.

She gets in her car and backs out of the driveway while I smile the biggest smile I can muster and wave till she turns the corner. I walk back to the house and the tears flood my face, the damn finally allowed to break free. Sometimes the toughest thing about being a mom, is doing and saying what you know your kids need to hear from you. Even when you really don't mean one word!

Getting There

Well, it's not exactly what I was hoping, but it is getting there. After several days of cutting and pasting different html code or whatever the code is in the template, I have finally made a photo header!! YEA! Yes the side photo is me rapelling. I think it was easier to rapell down the cliff there than it was putting the darn picture in the right spot. Next, I will be trying to get the fonts changed and colors.

Tonight I can't spend too much time here as my dear hubby get's off tonite from the Phantom show and home at 9pm, as opposed to after midnight most nights. So, this will be a short night for me to dabble with the code and upload pictures.

Been a terribly hectic week at work, the lead actor died (for real!) and the show was supposed to open this weekend. Needless to say most of us were in shock and now I'm trying to get press out regarding postponing the show one week. Fortunately, the director is jumping in to fill the role and we didn't have to cancel. But, man, I've known Bob, the actor that died, for many years. This has been a real shocker.

And the name of the play? God of Hell. Welcome to my life!

Frustrated blogger

I've spent half of the night looking for a sight that offers 'free blogger templates' trying to find something that I could upload easily yet was indicative of my absolutely unique style. Unfortunately, I found nothing. Why is it so difficult to find a way to add a photo header? I have some great shots from trips to Italy and Mexico, and would love to utilize one for my header. But, no. After totally screwing up my blog (fortunately I saved a copy before messing around) I am right back with the same old blah template.

It is just too hard to find a template that says: hippie, peace, guitar, nature girl, mom. Why is that? A sunflower here, a guitar, peace signs, where are those templates?

Being the persistent one, I am off to search the ends of cyberspace! Hopefully, this sight will look new and fresh ..... soon!

Pedicure Poker Stranger

I have a pretty hectic job, yes, I know, don't we all! And, just like many of you, I occasionally find myself buried alive in unfinished overdue (no, I wouldn't ever let anything be overdue!) projects, stressed to the max that I am not going to get the work done and be immediately fired! I had left work Friday with not making a dent on the piles of paper on my desk, telling my secretary not to touch a pile, and not to put anything else on my desk for fear it would never be seen again. I don't like leaving on Friday that way. It's such pressure to come in on Monday and remember what pile was what!

Saturday morning I found myself full of guilt for leaving my office and not finishing up more than I had. As I looked around, it seemed the house duties were piling up as well. My mind was full of how far behind I was at work, how many events were coming up, a light design I still hadn't completed, another script to read, floors to clean, toilets to scrub, bleach and laundry. The pressure was on to decide what project I should jump on first. My organizational gold side thought I should make a list, complete each task in order, checking off the things as I finished, watching my progress, and feeling very good about myself.

Instead, I decided I really needed a pedicure. That's my blue side (If you have ever had the color of your personality tested you know what I am talking about here)

I have a nice little salon I go to whenever it is time to pull the stress out of my body. When I feel like screaming I CAN'T DO ANYMORE!!, it's time to go. That's when I head for the stress relief and relaxation place. That's really what a pedicure is all about. They put your feet in hot water and all the blood from your head runs to your feet, along with all the stress. Then they rub your feet and pull your toes and yank out all the crap (no, not toe jam, stress crap!) They massage your calves and feet, you feel completely empty of the soul-sucking smog of stress. No worry about the responsibilites you are ignoring, just relax and drift away. I avoid the attempt at conversation. Better to just close your eyes and drift away.

And so there I was drifting. There was a TV playing from the ceiling and a commercial came on playing that Hawaiian guys version of "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" that seques to "What a Wonderful World" on a ukelele. I opened my eyes to see the commercial and commented on how much I really liked that song, how very mellow, simple, a very different arrangement.

The lady said she loved his music and went on to tell me (conversation had started, no more drifting) that she loved that guys music and his name was IZ. And she loved his music because it was so calming.

She went on to say she was a professional Poker player. And that whenever she is on her way to a tournament she is always so nervous, she puts in his CD and it relaxes her, that it was her favorite CD. There was a big Poker tournament starting that weekend so I figured she would be listening to the CD for the next few days. We both went back to drifting.

She finished and left the store. I was there for another 15 minutes or so, put on those stupid thongs (shoes!) they give you and scuffled out to my car. As I was unlocking the door, someone yelled and I turned and it was her, CD in hand scuffling toward me (she had the thongs on, too) She told me to take it and she would get another since I liked that song so much. I, immediately declined knowing she would need it over the weekend to get through the tournament. She insisted, handed it to me and walked away."Thanks!" I got in my van and was so amazed that this total stranger gave me her favorite CD.

Gee, people here hardly say "hello" to strangers let alone give away their favorite CD. I realized I didn't even know her name. I opened the door and hopped out to find out her name, but it was too late, she was gone. I wanted to let her know that I appreciated her kindness. I wondered if she could tell I was really havng a bad day (findng out I wouldn't be having my nightly blog reads of DebbieDoesLIfe had certainly depressed me) and did she know how uplifting her gesture was to me? The entire last week or so had just been incredibly crummy. Yea, I know it was just a CD, but I really do love that song and I had no idea who the singer was to try and find it. I drove out of the parking lot with my faith in humanity restored, pretty pink toes and smooth heals!

I can't help but wonder how the pedicure poker stranger did in the tournament? I wonder if she even guesses that her random act of kindess brightens my days as I play that CD every morning on my way to work? I hope she came out ahead. I know I did. Thanks, Lady, may the poker angels smile upon you.

Dedicated to DebbieDoesLife

Am I blogging? Wow, I am doing it! I am a 52 year old (really young 52 year old by the way) wife, mother and grandmother. I work days and good ole hubby works nights. After a long day at work, I found much relaxation scouring the computer for various things. Sometimes doing geneology work, sometimes finding gardening tips and then one day I was trying to find a picture of Terri Garr, the movie actress that currently has some bad disease and why no one has seen her lately, but someone that I had been told I looked like years ago. So, I thought, I wonder if there is still a resemblance and the search was on.

But, to my dismay, I kept getting DebbieDoesLife (for certain a porno site!) and finally, gave up and thought, "Okay, I'll bite." and to my most utmost surprise came across a blog site. I had heard of blogs, knew it was some computer thing, maybe a journal thing, not sure. I read. And read. Debbie was ME! (She even sorta looked like me) Her humor, her caring, her sharing, all me. It was cosmic. I was hooked.

Every night I would come home and jump on the computer to see what had happened in Debbie's Blog. I went through all the past posts, looked at pictures of her hubby and boys. From some very lonely nights, came a light to my world. I had a friend, that didn't know I was even there, but provided such inspiration and lots of laughs!

Then the other night I go and she has a very sad picture of a clown crying and says she is taking a sabbatical. "NOOOOOOOOOO!" Oh, Debbie, don't leave us now. I wanted to comment but you had to be a member of the blog world. It's taken me several nights to FINALLY figure this out, and here I am world. I hope I find some friends that are missing Debbie as much as I will be, and help me make it through the nights of the next weeks, months until Debbie's life settles down, she unpacks all the boxes, gets her computer set up in the new house and starts blogging again. I sure hope she puts up a picture from her son's graduation, I feel so proud of him! I know she does too. Thanks Debbie! You brought a ton smiles to my world.

Oh, and Terri Garr, why it linked to DebbieDoesLife? Because she had a post regarding someone saying she looked like Terri Garr who she dispises! So, okay, we are different, I like Terri!

Now, I am off to FINALLY, comment on her blog! Wish me luck!