My Cup Runneth Over

What a wonderful day.  What a wonderful weekend.  Spent time with my girls, my grandkids, talked to my son, had friends up today, had snow and rain yesterday followed by the most beautiful sunny day today.

Tomorrow I get the results of the CT scan.  Tomorrow I find out if the spots on my liver are still there or not, if they have grown or not, if there are more spots or not, why my side has hurt for the last three weeks.  I should be anxious, scared.  But I'm not.  Perhaps I have been in denial since May 2008.  The statistics would scare the hell out of anyone and yes, there are many times I let fear enter my mind.  But it is not fear that consumes my thoughts.  Anger is a common emotion. Angry that this insidious disease most likely will take away years of my life that I should have had to spend with my husband, my kids and my grandkids.  It does make me angry.  But being angry is not a good way to live.

It is neither fear nor anger that fills my heart and soul.  I try to fill my heart and soul with love, joy and happiness, even with the worse news and during some of my darkest nights. I cannot help to feel so blessed. The world is a beautiful place.  And for this day, this moment I am here! I try to notice its beauty each and every day.  I am thankful for the small moment of time I get to have on this earth. I feel so blessed to be a mom, a wife, a grandmama, a sister. Tomorrow is unknown, but for today there is sunshine in my soul. My cup runneth over.

"Advanced Stage Ovarian Cancer" I don't want to be in this boat!

I'm in a sinking boat...feels like it's heading for the water fall, sinking fast and no paddle. What the hell! I want to jump out and swim for shore! My doctor in December said (hear is what I heard) "Spread, no cure, non-operable, platinum-resistant, try and maintain quality of life, only chance clinical trial.." So, I signed up for the trial...after 5 weeks of waiting and the day before I was supposed to start, it was canceled. My oncologist in town did another ct scan...it had now spread to liver and lymph nodes. I am now starting on the 3rd chemo regimen, I have had a total of 14 rounds, I have lost my hair, had it start to grow back and then start the process all over.  I am hoping to keep hair this time around, would like to remember what I used to look like!

Stage 4 ovarian cancer is not curable.  I am a realist.  But I am also an optimist.  I can't believe I will lose this fight, even though the statistics say otherwise.  Below are the facts.  I have a challenge, the biggest challenge of my life...for my life.  I will fight this with everything I have.  I still believe I can win, I always think I will win.  At night in the dark, the doubt creeps in.  Thank heaven for the morning when the sun is still in the sky and shining above me.

Stage IV Ovarian Cancer

1. Stage IV (any T, any N, M1) is the most advanced stage of ovarian cancer. In this stage the cancer has spread to the inside of the liver, the lungs or other organs located outside of the peritoneal cavity. The peritoneal cavity, or abdominal cavity is the area enclosed by the peritoneum, a membrane that lines the inner abdomen and covers most of its organs. Finding ovarian cancer cells in the fluid around the lungs (called pleural fluid) is also evidence of stage IV disease.

5-Year Survival Rate

2. Life expectancy rates are determined in cancer by looking at the 5-year survival rate of patients diagnosed with a certain stage of cancer. The type of cancer and the stage determine the survival rates and life expectancy. Five-year survival rates, for ovarian cancers and other cancers, account for factors like unrelated causes of death, when providing the statistics on 5-year survival. Generally, if patients live for the 5 years after diagnosis, mortality rates caused by the cancer fall dramatically.
   
   For stage IV ovarian cancer, the 5-year survival rate is 17.5%.

Life Expectancy

3. According to a study published in the Annals of Internal Medicine, the median life expectancy for patients with late stage ovarian cancer is 2.95 years. The study is based on the projected 5-year survival rates and a mean survival rate of 1.97 years in patients aged 54 who were diagnosed with Stage IV ovarian cancer. Patients diagnosed with Stage I, II or III whose disease progressed to Stage IV had an additional 1 year added on to the median life expectancy because the progression from Stage I to Stage IV was assumed to take, on average, 1 year.

Read more: Stage 4 Ovarian Cancer Life Expectancy | eHow.com http://www.ehow.com/about_5200712_stage-ovarian-cancer-life-expectancy.html#ixzz1G4OkFxJi