Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Feeling the Blues

Monday is always my bad day after chemo on Friday. I keep thinking I will get used to the symptoms and be able to roll with it better, but puking' and having every bone in your body feel like it's broke, just isn't any fun at all. And that's just the top two side effects! There's about four others that we won't even discuss!

The pain and nausea seems to get worse with each treatment. Knowing this last treatment was supposed to be the last one, really got me down, because it won't be. Knowing I would have to go through this again, one to three more times got me upset to the point of tears and I hate being a blubbering idiot. Hurting and thinking, "I don't want to hurt anymore!" "I don't want to do this shit anymore!" Then feeling really guilty because I know there are many out there that have gone through way more treatments than I will have to go through.

And I'm tired of being the scary bald grandmama. And more than anything, I'm tired of being tired! I hate missing my tennis clinic, but there is just no way I can go the week after the chemo, I know, because I tried it last time. Big Mistake!

So, today is better than yesterday, and I know tomorrow will be better than today and by Thursday I will be back to work. I just hate feeling like I'm wimping out. And yesterday, I was a big old wimp!

4 comments:

Jess Riley said...

Hang in there! I'm so sorry you have to go through this; you are not a wimp, either. And you're right, that tomorrow will be better, and the next day will be even better! *hugs to you*

(PS: your comment on my blog tonight made me laugh out loud)

Gary Rith Pottery Blog said...

OH PEACE! Hang in there please!

Peter said...

I sympathize with what you're going through Brenda:
it's rough, I've never experienced it myself but I've seen it happen to people I care about.

Warm hugs from a wet and chilly Belgium.

V-Grrrl said...

A week late but thinking of you and wishing you well...

I can't imagine...